How to reveal if your lover is cheating on you by keeping a special diary

Our minds aren’t perfect at remembering special details and specific facts – far from it. Our brains work selectively; they store and recall certain bits of information while forgetting others. For example, you might remember – for whatever reason – a phone number that has little or no importance to you, but forget the birthday of someone you really should buy a present for. On the most part, this selective/subjective memory trait creates no real problems in our day to day lives. We can look up a number if we forget it, or ask a friend of a friend for the day of the month on which someone’s birthday falls.

However, sometimes it can make things slightly trickier. One such time is when we suspect our partner may be cheating on us. Imagine you walk into the room just as your partner is putting down the phone and they seem a little on edge or tense as they turn around and see you. The incident may stick out in your mind for weeks, niggling at you, making you wonder: did it mean something, was it a sign? 

Fast forward to a different occasion, when your partner returns home from a business meeting or other engagement late and immediately jumps in the shower, even before properly saying ‘hi’ to you. You might rationalise their behaviour by thinking: “Well, they were probably tired or something. They surely just felt like refreshing themselves with a shower,” then forget all about it. 

You might be 100% right, but that’s not really the point. The strange phone incident and the unusual dash to the bathroom on returning home could both have happened because your partner is cheating on you, and conversely they both could be wholly innocent and not caused by infidelity. The point here is, remembering one incident over the other and thus giving it more weight or meaning than the other in your mind could potentially make it much more difficult to ascertain what is or isn’t going on – whether they’re trustworthy or not.

So, to combat the human tendency to selectively remember and therefore consider some incidents more than others, and therefore improve your chances of revealing the truth, you should keep an objective, non-selective record of everything that happens. Here’s how it works:

1. Use a journal or diary, not a digital method of recording events, changes in behaviour/habits/moods, etc. Noting things in your own handwriting allows each piece of information recorded to be absorbed more deeply and permanently by your mind than if you type them out quickly on a computer. Also, paper records (a diary, journal, etc.) are usually more portable than laptops, PC’s, etc., which could come in handy if/when you spot a potential sign of infidelity away from home.

2. Keep your journal as objective and neutral as humanly possible. Note the time something unusual, strange or suspicious occurs, if you’ve noticed it before, and what it consists of. For example, saying: “Today (insert date) they came home 2 hours later than usual from work, it’s happened once before and they offered no reason or explanation for their lateness” is much better and more useful in the long run than: “They came home late again! They had no reason to be late at all. It must mean something.” So, be specific, neutral, accurate and non-judgemental. A time will come when you’ll make a decision on whether or not you can trust them and it’ll be then when an emotional response will be completely warranted and understandable. Until then, record what happens like a robot – it’ll help unravel the mystery and reveal what the hell is or isn’t going on.

3. Finally, keep your journal/record hidden away somewhere where it won’t be stumbled upon by your partner. If they ARE cheating and find your diary, it could easily make them more secretive and more careful not to give out noticeable signs of their infidelity in the future – thus making your job of uncovering the truth more difficult. If they find it and are NOT cheating, they could feel insulted or hurt that you don’t fully trust them. That’s an issue that, if appropriate, can be brought up by you after you’ve completed your little ‘investigation’. For now, secretiveness is quite possibly one of your greatest allies in discovering whether or not your partner’s having an affair.

For more ways to catch a cheating spouse, go to BeatingCheating

Behavior Changes that May Signal a Cheating Spouse

Do you think that your spouse is having an affair?  Many times, it can be very difficult to tell if your spouse is cheating on you.  Fortunately, many cheating spouses eventually show signs of being unfaithful, most of which are associated with their behavior. Outlined below are some signs that your spouse might be cheating on you.

Your spouse joins a gym.  This is a major sign when it is something that they never had any interest in doing so before.  If you never had a problem with your spouse’s weight before, why would you now?  This could be a sign that they are trying to impress someone besides you.

Your spouse does not have time to sit down and talk anymore.  Did and your spouse talk about their day?  If you never seem to have the deep or intense conversations that you once had, there may be a major problem.  Cheating spouses often try to distance themselves from their relationships at home.  This is a sign that your spouse may be cheating on you.

Your spouse may act differently during sex and want to try new things out in the bedroom.  If your spouse suddenly wants to try new things in the bedroom or if you just notice that the sex is different, they may be cheating.  In fact, you may be left wondering where they learned that from.

In keeping with sex, your spouse may want to have it less.  A decrease in sex frequency is a sign that your spouse may be cheating on you.  As for why sex occurs less when cheating is involved, they feel guilty about what they are doing or they may be getting enough sex already.

They may also get angry easier and more often.  Your spouse may also be touchy around you.  This may lead to more arguments and disagreements in your relationship. Things you do may annoy your husband or wife.  They may actually go as far as to leave the room.   Be sure to observe the changes in behavior that your spouse has towards other members of your family as well.

They want to buy a whole new wardrobe, in a way, reinventing themselves.  This works in conjunction with joining a gym to lose weight.  A huge sign of cheating is when a new wardrobe is purchased and when more skin is being shown.

Unusual behavior when your spouse is on the phone is another sign of cheating.  When they are talking on the phone near you, do they try to lower their voce or even leave the room?  Hanging up a phone quickly is another signal to watch for.  Be cautious of increased cell phone use, as many cheaters prefer to use their own personal phones, as opposed to family phones.

In addition to examining the behavior of your husband or wife, the behavior of your friends should also be examined.  The friends you share together may start acting differently towards you.  This is often because your shared friends might know more than you do.  Even if a friend does not outright tell you that your husband or wife is cheating, they may intentionally or unintentionally show you the signs.

These above mentioned signs may be an indicator that your spouse is cheating on you, but there may also be reasonable causes for these behavior changes.  For example, your spouse might want to look great for you and you alone, or they also may simply want to improve their health.

Since there are no guarantees that cheating could be going on, even with the above mentioned signs present, additional steps should be taken.  These steps can and should include monitoring cell phone calls, viewing the cell phone bill, or hiring a private investigator.  Never confront your husband or wife without the proper proof.  Be sure to get solid evidence of cheating, otherwise you could be creating a whole new problem in your relationship.