An unfaithful husband, cheating wife, any kind of
disloyal partner, is an ugly prospect. And that feeling of being
betrayed by someone we thought we could trust more than anyone else is
one of the worst. People who discover their partners have been
unfaithful to them go through a hurricane of different emotions – anger,
sadness, shame, dejection, sometimes even relief. It’s a grieving
process, not of a person that’s died, but of a relationship and level
of trust that’s instantly disintegrated. In short, it sucks.
But before you can begin “grieve” that
loss of trust, or simply throw caution to the wind and ditch your
partner for good, you need to make absolutely sure your reaction will
be 100% warranted. You need to know without doubt whether your lover
has, in fact, double-crossed you by looking for, finding, and partaking
in, an affair.
The only guaranteed way of knowing this,
aside from finding damning physical evidence or seeing the affair with
your own eyes (both pretty rare), is by hearing a confession straight
from the horse’s mouth, by communicating your suspicions with your
partner and listening to what they have to say – however heartbreaking
or relieving their response might be. But before you take that big
step, there are a few simpler and smaller steps you can take to make the
whole process, the whole “investigation” and confrontation of your
partner, easier and more factually accurate.
The first thing you should do is look for
some of the most common signs/groups of signs people produce when they
cheat. I’ve listed 3 of them below. Read over and think about each and
carefully consider if they apply to you, your partner and your
relationship.
1. Changes in sex drive and sexual behaviour.
Sex is almost always an integral part of a
happy and healthy relationship between two people. So when one of the
two, regardless of whether it’s the guy or the girl, begins to cheat,
it doesn’t come as any surprise that changes in the way they feel about
having sex with their partner can be brought about. There are two main
ways these changes can manifest themselves. When the cheater initially
begins their affair, they may – out of guilt and in an effort to avoid
the newly formed affair being rumbled – actually increase the amount of
attention they pay their real partners in bed. Conversely, and usually
a little while after the affair has begun, the cheater may appear to
have a loss of sex drive. They, for some reason, seem to not want to be
intimate with you as much as they used to. Once again, this can be
attributed to guilt, but more often it’s to do with a fear they’ll
reveal their infidelity through they way they behave before, during and
after having sex with you.
2. Peculiar changes in habits & schedule.
When people cheat, they invariably change
their behaviour and/or habits in some way, small or large. The reason
they cannot avoid these alterations is because, no matter how
infrequently or secretly they see the person they’re having an affair
with, they MUST – at some point or another – go out of their way to do
so (and thereby break or change habits and behaviour). So, look for
recent and pronounced modifications in the times they come home/leave
the house (and whether the changed times ‘repeat’ weekly), increased
usage of the phone or computer for no obvious/innocent reason, and
other differences in the way your partner acts and behaves. You know
your partner’s old habits and ways of living better than anyone, so
draw from that knowledge to compare how they might have changed them
and to decide if the changes are to be taken as possible indications of
betrayal.
3. Miscellaneous indicators of infidelity.
Lastly, there’s the group of infidelity
indicators that don’t fit in any other box or under any other title.
They’re the things you notice, question and cannot innocently explain
away. They’re the things you spot but almost choose to forget because
you’re so unsure of what they may or may not mean and whether,
ultimately, they are true signs that your partner is cheating on you
with someone else. Here are just a couple of miscellaneous indications
of infidelity:
A. Your partner no longer seems to get
angry with you when in the past they always seemed to be picking a
fight or getting worked up over any tiny issue. Cheaters often ‘let
their partners off’ because they want as little confrontation (which
could lead to a discovery on your part) as possible.
B. She or he frequently shifts the focus
onto you. Cheaters often asks their partners more questions about how
their day went, how they’re feeling, etc, again, to shift the attention
away from them and their guilt.
Remember, when you suspect your partner
may be cheating, always take the smaller steps – by looking for the
kinds of subtle signs listed above – before taking the biggest step of
all: confronting them. Doing so will give you the very best chance of a
happy, or at least a more manageable, final outcome.
For more ways to catch a cheating spouse, go to BeatingCheating
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